Once Upon A Time..A Lil Chubby Gurl...

All right...

Let me welcome myself to this world of blogging...the world that I used to lived in years before (come to think of it..I was quite happy and a lil bit pathetic then and now...obsessing it too much)

A bit about myself..Hell..a bit? I can write till the world ends about myself ...it's my blog..I can write anything I want..aite..
I was born 29 years ago in Sibu Sarawak...yeapp..my proud land of the Hornbills(so it seems the bird is our national significant of this native land..how ironic..) in a loving family of Mr Radzuan and Mrs Ronnie...the youngest of 5 children...and a proud of mixture of two culture(chinese and javanese malay) I was later raised in Kuching(quite a small town by then) and my childhood starts litterally there and then and now...

Discovering bits and pieces of the mystery of my self being...It was hard a mixture of sweet n bitter memories that keeps alive in me ..and it's a constant reminder of myself..
I am schooled and educated in unconventional way of chinese education..12 years of study( and i always questioned myself...why did I never born as a smarty ) my teen life was quite boring and not so exciting. The only person I hang out with was Tieqa, my neighbour, my cousin and my friend(till this very moment) she is however plays the important part of sexual evolution and the person who makes me belief in myself and accepting myself as I am....transvite..I don know how many people bothered to read my blog..well..I dont give a fuck!! i'm a shemale..still doesnt have a cow? okie..I'm physically born as a man but would prefer being a woman...now..at least u know the idea who am I...

so anyway..it was actually a frequent battle , emotionally and spiritually. I am raised in a family who believes strongly in my moslem roots, and undeniable chinese and malay cultural aspects which clashes every now and then. But I am proud to say, my parents(they are my saviors) accepted me as I am. I love them dearly and would do anything for them..anything...

My name Is Neyna Radzuan, I'm 29 years old single transivites(or TS = lets keep it nice n short shall we..) Nyah... (in Bahasa Melayu based on the Kamus Dewan)

As every 'woman' would be, at my age. I too , suffers from bodyphobic( is there such word? well..who gives it a fuck anyway...it's my blog..and I can be all titsies as much as I want) I am 5 feet 11, 95 kg(yupp..thats an exact 190.lbs)...and in a perfect size O world...I am, and what they call OBESE...yes..I am fat...and I dont lie...although, I keep on reminding myself, love my body, accept myself as I am...and I'll be confident enough to live my life through...who am I kidding..I always want to be slimmer(at least 20kg lighter) face it..I am not born, with high metabolism (which by the way... skinny slim supermodels seems to be praising these gospels....*owh I have high metobolism..and I eat a lot too* yeah right) I dont have a beautiful facial structure and feature (plumy roundish face and never seems to get rid of the baby fat on my face) I dont have luminous, translucent smooth complexion (I copy these down from- on the shelf beauty in a jar -sucker proof - ad) I have an obvious enormous big sized frame(comparing to my other TS counterparts ) and I can only fit in size 16 jeans and size 14 or 16 tops or dresses..oh by the way thats 38inch waist for those dumb-o who pretend doesn’t understand my words. I'm listing down all my negative side of myself (although in a shrink world...these can only means...prozac..prozac..prozac...owh bad Neyna!!)

However...I do know there are so many things in me that can really make my life more interesting and lively at times. I'm a friendly gurl, who have countless friends and acquintance all over the place....I make an effort to be friendly, cheerful and all exciting at once to almost anyone(although I can be very shy at first). I'm trilingual (yup, not something a guy would find it sexually interesting about it at all) I speak malay, english and mandarin well (I wont be able to judge my own language ability, do I??) I do photograph well though( all those ANTM marathon seems to help me on the tricks of looking gorgeous) I have a beautiful smile( some would fall for it..some would find it too cute for them to handle) and I have what they call...oversize ass, but hey Beyonce and J-Lo been using that ton channel beauty and womanly physique (at least it's all natural) so what the heck...and I must say, the damn 'thang' has been admired(and somehow been indulge) by some of the most adorable men around....
People around me always admired my confidence, which they seem to be blinded by it. Deep inside, I am an insecure person, lonely and very much leading a depressing life..

I made an oath to reinvent myself...and I will make it happen

I'm counting my blessings; I have the power to make people around me feel good. The work line I am in requires me to be confident, supportive and motivative to everyone. But I do drain out by my work though; it was indeed not my number 1 career choice. But I believe, one day i'll achieve my dream..to be a ...a hollywood actress...ahahahahah! kidding..I want to be a shoe designer...yes..think about Jimmy Choo, Monseuir Blhanik, Stuarzt Weitzmant, Gina..just naming a few of my inspirations..I'll be the 1st TS world reknown shoe designer, it's going to be on a every womans feet...they will love my designs. It's all about being avant garde, comfortable and yet classic...my dream..I shall achieve

Vogue and Glamour magazines is ol time leisure addiction ( I beg to differ..it's not all glossy and glam pictorial mags at all..it's good reading..although is not that literature masterpieces..but still)
and these days I have these weird attractions towards British humour..from mags, books, movies to sitcoms. They seems to be way smarted, wittier and funnier than the americans( think of Little Britain, Bridget Jones, Adrian Mole, Helen Fieldling)

I love fashion labels( wished I could afford them one day) Chanel thanks to Lyn(over obsessed Karl Lagerfeld temple follower, and she even called her self Chanelist-like Kabalist) Miucia Prada(she's so amazing, for unfortunately looking ol lady from Milan..she has way vision in fashion ahead from everyone..come..how can u make a turban looks so sexy and demuring , if it's not from her) John Galliano...and he is pure artist...a living legend..a Dior Couture shaker...and he makes me wild with the imagination(how can u explain me, wearing my big heavy skirts thanks to me mom quilted blanket, and me strutting down the imagenery Paris catwalk shows(yes...me are the finale of Dior show) and Tom Ford..for Gucci(used to) I'll do him..definately I would..and there's no doubt in that..they only gay guy I would go down to...ahahahaks

I love musics..I love anything that is pop, danceable R&B hip-hop, and pop alternative rock, and pop jazz. I am in love with Sheila Majid ever since I was a little gurl(she is the reason, why I want to be demure, alluring and sexy..yess..she is the only Malaysian female singer who can get away with skimy of shoulders or sleeveless long dresses without looking trashy and 'menyimpang akidah, what she wears is always fashion.
and yes...the only one that I worshipped so much is , her Madgesty ..Madonna...she is my IDOL..enough said..
I am raised and I grew up listening to Holiday, Like A Virgin, Lucky Star, Papa Dont Preach, La Isla Bonita, and Vogue..and like wine..she is better as she grow older..just simply adore her...I want to be HER...

Some of you would be wondering, why am I still single? trust me..in my case, being single is not my choice. Come on now..i'm 29 years old, I'm still single and it was not choice again...nobodys want to go home alone and still living with their parents..thats just plain nasty!...

Is not like nobody wants me or lust of me, some do.
I went through a few relationships in my entire life, some are good, some are bad(which I wished I never been in any of it) but each of it makes me a stronger person. I know one day I'll be with someone who loves me, cares for me, admires me, adores me...but still make everything all sense ...maybe I expected too much, maybe i'm too picky, maybe I'm looking at all the wrong places..maybe It was not my time yet...maybe I have other things that way more important..maybe just maybe

I have a few criteria of a dream guy of mine..he must be taller than me, strong, musculine, bulky(slightly chubby) hairy, with stubbles and goatee, no race preference...but I just love those fair skin or sexy natural uber tan, chinky eyes and strong manly facial feauture(darn my hormone is getting me ol' sexed up!) he must also be smart, witty, funny, independent, who shares his wisdom with me, who sees life in diffent angles at anytime given, who would willing to share happiness and sadness with me.
Who would makes my world go round and round again..who kisses passionately, who cuddles always..who is obviously loves foreplay..and excellent in bed...those are my wishes..I am careful with what I wishes these days ..and thats the whole reason I'm documenting all these...

the story begins....